looking back, part 3

enough as is.
NOVEMBER 2007

these days. those days. some days, i worry i'm searching down the wrong streets. terrified that somewhere the map was misread, the directions misplaced. that i'm peddling in vain; this bicycle remains stationary despite my best efforts. i start to think about each minuscule decision, glance, or remark far too analytically than they deserve. these thoughts often stir and pace in spiraling circles down an ice-coated slope. like a slapped-at, worn-out tether ball they get trapped in this ruthless mind.

but there are times i've seen them escape. it happens most often while biking to and from the appointments and responsibilities i've attached my name to. it's during this time-in-between, the time not dedicated to neither departure or arrival gates, that they get away and make their own adventures.

on my route, i take a right just over the osborne bridge and cut through the legislative gardens to the foot path along the assiniboine. most often, it's somewhere around here on my way to the forks that these thoughts make a break.

they take daring trips on sailors' ships. find themselves a river they can float away on. and now it's coming on christmas, folks are cutting down trees. the waters will seize, but they've found themselves a river they can skate away on.

with impending snow, i'm anxiously anticipating what will happen when my route will be forced to merge with traffic on the streets. soon i'll be clutching bus transfers instead of bicycle handlebars. i'm worried what i might become without these two-wheeling sessions to relieve my easily-stifled mind.

but i've devised a plan to split this crazy scene.

i'll follow them there, a stowaway to my own thoughts, and find the river is so wide i can teach my feet to fly away.
that's when i'll notice i'm not so hard to handle, selfish or sad,
and that love's more than just a patch of fancy stitch-work on my sleeve.
i'll notice that what looked like a suspect alley in all the instructions and manuals is the perfect hideout i've been searching for all along.

that i've been circling that alley all the while, i've no need to go anywhere else.

and that, right now, i'm enough as is.