laying down my hat.

it could just be the post-kasdorf-wedding-love speaking, but i think i'm onto something here...

continuing from my post in march, i'm still thinking about searching for the good stuff, finding it in the small details of everyday life.
but now i'm thinking that maybe it's not the 'small stuff' i'm searching for after all. the important details are the big things:
the only city i call home, where i am used to the cracked sidewalks and can bike them home in the dark.
the people that i know and love, where there is no need for small talk or awkward get-to-know-you games.
the familiar routines, etched with memories and reminders of where i've been and what's happened this far.

i don't know why i have such a hard time recognizing, accepting and justifying the importance of all these 'insignificant details' - the knowing glances, little favours, shared batches of homemade cookies- or why i should consider them insignificant at all. these are the people, connections, and familiar places that make up the foundations of who i am. they are the reasons i have the encouragement and motivation to take risks. they provide the comfort i have in knowing who is behind me unconditionally.

how we define ourselves is in a big way defined by how we look through the eyes of the people around us. if we're not stopping to aknowledge who those people are, if we're oblivious to the colour and shapes of their eyes, we can't help but end up feeling lost, empty and uncertain in who we are.

as much as i can be happy knowing that, wherever i am, someone i love is on the other end of the world wide web e-mailing me back within a heartsbeat, chatting over time zones, or waiting at the airport when my plane comes in (sooner or later :)!), i don't think there can ever be a substitute for being in winnipeg- where my routes reside, my friendships have grown and my heart will always call home.

while i figure out which roads to take and which life i should lead, i am glad to be in the company of people reminding me what i'm living for.
and i am striving to remember to look them in the eyes, because i can only see myself clearly through what they see while staring back at me.